his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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