there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I did not marry a roomba.
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