you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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