K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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