her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
