I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
last night I used snow as a chaser
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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