Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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