whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
