Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
