Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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