I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
