Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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