That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
