If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
