Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
