i think my tv is drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize