ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
