Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
