We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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