he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
