the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
