Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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