plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
