Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
