there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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