All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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