This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
