So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
