i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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