She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
