why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
