so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
50% drunk capacity currently
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
