I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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