the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
