Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
