She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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