Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
