I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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