I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
