I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
