So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
