you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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