I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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