once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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