I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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