He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
