Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
