I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
