I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
