These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
