i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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