There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
