Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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