He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
