Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
