I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
