Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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