babies were throwing up all over the place
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
