i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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