life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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