Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
