At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
