I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
