It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
