wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
