dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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