there was a trapeze. enough said
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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