So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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