Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love you. Go after that dick
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
